Comments on: Relief http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 12:11:50 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.1 By: ahunt http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1747 ahunt Tue, 25 Sep 2007 04:38:38 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1747 Happy Belated Birthday, Zu. Re: Friendships No clue as to your situation. I've been blessed with a tiny core group of women and a coupla men who have been around since the world began...despite distinct choices and profound differences. There have been satellites in orbit who sought the energy and skills of the group, but ultimately, took more than they offered, and expected group service without contribution. Sometimes, you just have to cut folks loose... Happy Belated Birthday, Zu.

Re: Friendships

No clue as to your situation.

I’ve been blessed with a tiny core group of women and a coupla men who have been around since the world began…despite distinct choices and profound differences. There have been satellites in orbit who sought the energy and skills of the group, but ultimately, took more than they offered, and expected group service without contribution.

Sometimes, you just have to cut folks loose…

]]> By: Bruce http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1746 Bruce Tue, 25 Sep 2007 01:51:53 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1746 "Can imagine" - “Can imagine” -

]]> By: Bruce http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1745 Bruce Tue, 25 Sep 2007 01:50:58 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1745 Zuzu, sorry to hear. I won't say I know how you feel, as that's something ignorant jackasses think and say, and I am exerting effort not to be one of those of late. But over time I have lost friends in odd and painful ways, frustratingly so. So maybe I am imagine it, even if I don't know it. Zuzu, sorry to hear. I won’t say I know how you feel, as that’s something ignorant jackasses think and say, and I am exerting effort not to be one of those of late. But over time I have lost friends in odd and painful ways, frustratingly so. So maybe I am imagine it, even if I don’t know it.

]]> By: Kat http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1712 Kat Sun, 23 Sep 2007 13:47:30 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1712 Happy Birthday :) Happy Birthday :)

]]> By: Mighty Ponygirl http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1705 Mighty Ponygirl Sat, 22 Sep 2007 23:44:44 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1705 Sorry to hear about it, Zuz. It's been almost two years since I've spoken to someone I'd met in middle school and had thought we'd be friends for the rest of our lives. We'd survived a lot of really crazy life bumps and threats, and suddenly it was just over. She wouldn't return my calls, I'm not even sure what happened. But then again, I'd spent nearly a decade listening to her complain, so it was sort of nice to have that negativity out of my life. It's just one of those unfortunate facts of life. Other friends are out there, it will hurt less in time. Sorry to hear about it, Zuz. It’s been almost two years since I’ve spoken to someone I’d met in middle school and had thought we’d be friends for the rest of our lives. We’d survived a lot of really crazy life bumps and threats, and suddenly it was just over. She wouldn’t return my calls, I’m not even sure what happened. But then again, I’d spent nearly a decade listening to her complain, so it was sort of nice to have that negativity out of my life.

It’s just one of those unfortunate facts of life. Other friends are out there, it will hurt less in time.

]]> By: Zuzu http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1704 Zuzu Sat, 22 Sep 2007 16:53:18 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1704 <p>Yeah, that's the thing. I tried, he didn't. Though there were a lot of people telling me that he's a really great guy, I should give him a chance, he'll come around, etc.</p> <p>What it comes down to: I tried, he didn't. Whether that's because he wouldn't, or he couldn't, it really makes no difference to me. That well is dry.</p> Yeah, that’s the thing. I tried, he didn’t. Though there were a lot of people telling me that he’s a really great guy, I should give him a chance, he’ll come around, etc.

What it comes down to: I tried, he didn’t. Whether that’s because he wouldn’t, or he couldn’t, it really makes no difference to me. That well is dry.

]]> By: Kat http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1702 Kat Sat, 22 Sep 2007 16:09:59 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1702 A friend and I have a saying about relationships (friends or otherwise).... "I tried". So, I can be proud that if I have put myself out there... let someone know that I have interest, or accepted a date or advance from someone that is nice but maybe not my first pick... that I have tried. The idea being that with each encounter, whether fulfilled or unfulfilled, that we grow and further define who we are and what we are looking for. Sure, someone might turn down an advance because they are completely uninterested. But more likely it is because they are not in a place where they are open to an advance. You can't know what is going on in someone else's head and you will drive yourself crazy trying to or taking it personally. On the flip side of the coin is never trying, which may be safe but you will never end up anywhere with that. So anyhow, proud of your for giving it a shot. :) A friend and I have a saying about relationships (friends or otherwise)…. “I tried”. So, I can be proud that if I have put myself out there… let someone know that I have interest, or accepted a date or advance from someone that is nice but maybe not my first pick… that I have tried. The idea being that with each encounter, whether fulfilled or unfulfilled, that we grow and further define who we are and what we are looking for. Sure, someone might turn down an advance because they are completely uninterested. But more likely it is because they are not in a place where they are open to an advance. You can’t know what is going on in someone else’s head and you will drive yourself crazy trying to or taking it personally. On the flip side of the coin is never trying, which may be safe but you will never end up anywhere with that.

So anyhow, proud of your for giving it a shot. :)

]]> By: sam http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1700 sam Sat, 22 Sep 2007 05:54:37 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1700 I came to this realization with a group of my college "friends" after I graduated from law school. A lot of it had to do with the way that they reacted (or frankly, didn't react) when my mom died, and I just realized that I was doing all of this work to maintain these relationships with people who spent most of their time criticizing my life choices when they actually got around to returning my phone calls or e-mails. So I basically decided that when I moved to NY after the bar exam, I'd send them my address and then wait and see how long it took for them to give me a call without further prompting/nagging from me, because they just weren't worth my time and effort anymore. Nine years later and no phone calls, and I realize that cutting them out of my life was probably the best decision I've ever made. A lot of people aren't willing to admit that, in reality, friendships have lifespans. It's not necessarily a judgment on the quality of the friendship when it was in its full flower, but, particularly when your circumstances change, those friends don't necessarily change with you. You can have perfectly good memories of the time you spent together, but no real desire to actually see those people again. I came to this realization with a group of my college “friends” after I graduated from law school. A lot of it had to do with the way that they reacted (or frankly, didn’t react) when my mom died, and I just realized that I was doing all of this work to maintain these relationships with people who spent most of their time criticizing my life choices when they actually got around to returning my phone calls or e-mails.

So I basically decided that when I moved to NY after the bar exam, I’d send them my address and then wait and see how long it took for them to give me a call without further prompting/nagging from me, because they just weren’t worth my time and effort anymore.

Nine years later and no phone calls, and I realize that cutting them out of my life was probably the best decision I’ve ever made.

A lot of people aren’t willing to admit that, in reality, friendships have lifespans. It’s not necessarily a judgment on the quality of the friendship when it was in its full flower, but, particularly when your circumstances change, those friends don’t necessarily change with you. You can have perfectly good memories of the time you spent together, but no real desire to actually see those people again.

]]> By: Zuzu http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1699 Zuzu Sat, 22 Sep 2007 01:02:16 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1699 I did! Just got home. Thanks! I did! Just got home. Thanks!

]]> By: Kat http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1697 Kat Fri, 21 Sep 2007 22:42:23 +0000 http://kindlypogmothoin.com/2007/09/21/relief/#comment-1697 Did you get my package? :) Did you get my package? :)

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